GTA4 Richard Bastion and some others

I'll probably end up having lots of quotes from Grand Theft Auto 4 here, it's got more great dialogue than most movies I see these days. To start with, some of my favourite lines from a conservative talk show on one of the game's radio stations. The Richard Bastion Show is a thinly-veiled satire on the likes of Glenn Beck and Rush Limbaugh.

I love my country and if you don't then fuck you and your fat wife.

Caller: This country is going to hell. Ever since we let those damn Australians back in this country everything has gone to shit! What the hell did we go to war with them for in the first place?!

And the trannies, don't even get me started on the trannies... It's very confusing, I'm looking at a woman, I'm talking to a woman, I see the woman's penis, now I'm confused!

Sodomy is a sin even if I crave it.

Listen, my wife has never had one of those so-called female orgasms, and she is very, very happy. You know, she works out a couple of times a day with her trainer, and she's getting very good at tennis...

I'm married to two women; my wife, my lovely, lovely wife with her beautiful hair and pretty face. The second person I'm married to? America. Now here's my thing; I won't go down south on either.

On Independence Day, I like to find a nice Indian casino and celebrate by trying to steal their shit again. That's what I'm into; traditional values.

Uh, if I had all the time in the world that I've wasted on explaining things to women...

This is the land of the free, not the land of the free lunches for minorites. I don't care if they are the ones serving it...

Richard: Ok we've got a live terrorist sighting. Hello, you're on the Richard Bastion show.
Caller: Yeah, I'm on the train and I see a guy who's a terrorist, this guy's really suspicious.
Richard: Ok good, what's he doin'?
Caller: He's sitting there reading some religious shit.
Richard: How can you tell this shit's religious? What is it?
Caller: I'm sure it is, it's in a different fuckin' language, it's Spanish or something!

I have been fined a lot for talking about the size of my penis.

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Immature I know, but this made me laugh. The tagline on a Lady Gaga blowup doll that's now on sale:
She loves it when you poke-her face!

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From an episode of Glee.

Finn: I have something to say. Something happened to me, and I can't really get into it, but it's shaken me to my core.
Puck: Oh my God, he's coming out...
Finn: Well yes, there is a man who has sort of recently come into my life, and that man is Jesus Christ.
Puck: That's way worse!