Gunnery Sergeant Hartman

I think most people who've seen Full Metal Jacket will agree that R. Lee Ermey's role as Gunnery Sergeant Hartman is one of the best performances ever. Since he had the same rank in the army himself, it was so real it wasn't even really acting, it was him showing exactly what those scenes were like for real. He also comes out with some of the greatest lines and insults ever put on film, a lot of which he added to the script himself. I remember the first time I saw this when I was a teenager my throat still hurt the next morning from having laughed so hard at it.

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I am hard but I am fair. There is no racial bigotry here. I do not look down on niggers, kikes, wops or greasers. Here you are all equally worthless!

You had best unfuck yourself or I will unscrew your head and shit down your neck!

Hartman: Are you choked up? Are you nervous?
Private Cowboy: Sir, I am, sir.
Hartman: Do I make you nervous?
Private Cowboy: Sir?
Hartman: "Sir" what? Were you about to call me an asshole?

Hartman: How tall are you, private?
Private Cowboy: Sir, five-foot-nine, sir.
Hartman: Five-foot-nine, I didn't know they stacked shit that high!

It looks to me like the best part of you ran down the crack of your mama's ass and ended up as a brown stain on the mattress.

Holy dog shit, Texas? Only steers and queers come from Texas, Private Cowboy. And you don't look much like a steer to me so that kinda narrows it down.

I bet you're the kind of guy that would fuck a person in the ass and not even have the goddamn common courtesy to give him a reach-around. I'll be watching you.

You're so ugly you could be a modern art masterpiece!

Hartman: Do you suck dicks?
Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, no, sir.
Hartman: Bullshit. I bet you could suck a golf ball through a garden hose.

Private Pyle I'm gonna give you three seconds, exactly three fucking seconds, to wipe that stupid-looking grin off your face or I will gouge out your eyeballs and skull-fuck you!

Private Pyle, you had best square your ass away and start shitting me Tiffany cufflinks or I will definitely fuck you up!

Tonight, you pukes will sleep with your rifles. You will give your rifle a girl's name because this is the only pussy you people are going to get. Your days of finger-banging ol' Mary-Jane Rottencrotch through her pretty pink panties are over!

Oh that's right Private Pyle, don't make any fucking effort to get up to the top of the fucking obstacle, if God wanted you up there he would have miracled your ass up there by now, wouldn't he? Get your fat ass up there Pyle! What the hell is the matter with you anyway? I'll bet you if there was some pussy up there on top of that obstacle you could get up there, couldn't you?

You climb obstacles like old people fuck!

Private Pyle, whatever you do don't fall down, that would break my fucking heart!

Are you quitting on me? Well, are you? Then quit, you slimy fuckin' walrus-looking piece of shit! Get the fuck off of my obstacle! Get the fuck down off of my obstacle! NOW! MOVE IT! I'm going to rip your balls off, so you cannot contaminate the rest of the world!

Were you born a fat, slimy, scumbag puke piece of shit, Private Pyle, or did you have to work on it?

(chanting) I don't know but I've been told, Eskimo pussy is mighty cold.

If your killer instincts are not clean and strong you will hesitate at the moment of truth. You will not kill. You will become dead Marines, and then you will be in a world of shit because Marines are not allowed to die without permission.

God has a hard-on for Marines because we kill everything we see. He plays His games, we play ours. To show our appreciation for so much power, we keep heaven packed with fresh souls.

What is this Mickey Mouse shit? What in the name of Jesus H. Christ are you animals doing in my Head? Why is Private Pyle out of his bunk after lights-out? Why is Private Pyle holding that weapon? Why aren't you stomping Private Pyle's guts out?

What is your major malfunction numbnuts? Didn't Mommy and Daddy show you enough attention when you were a child?