American Beauty and Heathers

Two movies I love which make fun of American society.

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American Beauty

Look at me, jerking off in the shower. This will be the high point of my day. It's all downhill from here.

Janie's a pretty typical teenager. Angry, insecure, confused. I wish I could tell her that's all going to pass, but I don't want to lie to her.

It's okay, I wouldn't remember me either.

Ricky's Boss: I'm not paying you to do... whatever it is you're doing out here.
Ricky: Fine. So don't pay me.
Boss: Excuse me?
Ricky: I quit. So you don't have to pay me. Now leave me alone.
Boss: ...Asshole!
Lester: I think you just became my personal hero!

Lester: I figured you guys might be able to give me some pointers. I need to shape up. Fast.
Jim: Are you just looking to lose weight, or do you want increased strength and flexibility as well?
Lester: I want to look good naked.

Lester: So, Janie, how was school?
Jane: It was okay.
Lester: Just okay?
Jane: No, Dad, it was spectacular.

Brad: (reading the job description Lester has written) "My job consists of basically masking my contempt for the assholes in charge, and, at least once a day, retiring to the men's room so I can jerk off while I fantasize about a life that doesn't so closely resemble Hell." Well, you obviously have no interest in saving yourself.
Lester: Brad, for 14 years I've been a whore for the advertising industry. The only way I could save myself now is if I start firebombing.

Brad: Management wants you gone by the end of the day.
Lester: Well, just what sort of severance package is management prepared to offer me? Considering the information I have about our Editorial Director buying pussy with company money which, I think, would interest the IRS, since it technically constitutes fraud, and I'm sure that some of our advertisers and rival publications might like to know about it as well. Not to mention Craig's wife!
Brad: (thinks for a moment...) What do you want?
Lester: One year's salary, with benefits.
Brad: That's not going to happen.
Lester: Well, what do you say I throw in a little sexual harassment charge to boot?
Brad: Against who?
Lester: Against YOU Brad! Can you prove that you didn't offer to save my job if I let you blow me?
Brad: Man, you are one twisted fuck.
Lester: Nope, I'm just an ordinary guy with nothing to lose.

Carolyn: Your father and I were just discussing his day at work. Why don't you tell our daughter about it, honey?
Lester: Janie, today I quit my job. And then I told my boss to go fuck himself, and then I blackmailed him for almost sixty thousand dollars. Pass the asparagus.
Carolyn: Your father seems to think this kind of behavior is something to be proud of.
Lester: And your mother seems to prefer that I go through life like a fucking prisoner while she keeps my dick in a mason jar under the sink.

Angela: What are you doing?
Ricky: I was filming this dead bird.
Angela: Why?
Ricky: Because it's beautiful.

Angela: Yeah? Well, at least I'm not ugly.
Ricky: Yes, you are. And you're boring, and you're totally ordinary, and you know it.

Frank: Where's your wife?
Lester: Uh, I dunno. Probably out fucking that dorky, prince-of-real-estate asshole. And you know what? I don't care.
Frank: Your wife is with another man and you don't care?
Lester: Nope. Our marriage is just for show. A commercial for how normal we are when we're anything but.

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Heathers

Veronica: This may seem like a really stupid question...
JD: There are no stupid questions.
Veronica: You inherit 5 million dollars the same day aliens land on the earth and say they're going to blow it up in 2 days. What do you do?
JD: ...That's the stupidest question I've ever heard.

(Ram and Kurt walk up to JD who is sitting eating his lunch in the cafeteria)
Ram: (Sticking his fingers into JD's lunch) You gonna eat this?
Kurt: What did your boyfriend say when you told him you were movin' to Sherwood, Ohio?
Ram: Answer him, dick!
Kurt: Hey Ram, doesn't this cafeteria have a "No Fags Allowed" rule?
JD: Well, they seem to have an open door policy for assholes though, don't they?
Kurt: What did you say, dickhead?
JD: (He sighs, stands up, and pulls out a gun) I'm sorry, allow me to repeat myself. (He fires at Kurt and Ram)

Well, fuck me gently with a chainsaw. Do I look like Mother Theresa?

Veronica: I don't really like my friends.
JD: Yeah, I don't really like your friends either.

Did you have a brain tumor for breakfast?

Veronica's Dad: Will someone tell me why I smoke these damn things?
Veronica: Because you're an idiot.
Veronica's Dad: Oh yeah, that's it.

Grow up Heather, bulimia is so '87!

Veronica, why are you pulling my dick?

Hippie Teacher: I thoughtfully suggested we get everybody together for an unadulterated emotional outpouring. But no. You took this as an opportunity to play yet another round of "Let's Laugh at the Hippie."

Veronica: Heather, why can't you just be a friend? Why do you have to be such a mega-bitch?
Heather: Because I can be.

Veronica: All we want is to be treated like human beings, not to be experimented on like guinea pigs or patronized like bunny rabbits.
Veronica's Dad: I don't patronize bunny rabbits.

When teenagers complain that they want to be treated like human beings, it's usually because they are being treated like human beings.

If you were happy every day of your life you wouldn't be a human being. You'd be a game-show host.

The extreme always seems to make an impression.

People will look at the ashes of Westerburg and say, "Now there's a school that self-destructed, not because society didn't care, but because the school was society."